So apparently the story changes again. This time Ron was shot once in the chest (I’m not sure if it is heart or what) and once in the head. I’m not sure which one came first. As Sean put it “the type of gun he had has about a quarter size entrance wound and a watermelon size exit wound.” I’m not sure how accurate that is but I know it would be damn hard not to pass out or something, just lay their and die.

I want to go in their like a dumb girl and ask to tape record our conversation with the cops and have them answer all my questions. I hope I can get them to say in a round about way that they didn’t do a good job investigating the death. I know a people who know newspaper reporters, I know a few people who know TV reports, I know the guy from the pirate radio station, I know a few good ex-cop and think the world of me (old teachers of mine in high school) and even if the cops don’t say what I want. I am still going to have my teachers listen to the tapes to see what they think because I think something is fishy.

As to my emotional state, I wouldn’t say I am a wreck but more of fragile, which Sean doesn’t get. The stuff he normally does, the picking on me, tickling me and joking with me, now makes me feel unloved. I know I am being silly, I know this but I can’t help it… all I want is for him to nice and snuggle and hold hands and kiss and stuff. I tried telling him but he doesn’t get it and I understand; it doesn’t make a whole lot of since to me either. I am trying so hard not to cry in front of him, he has two other weeping women on his hands, he doesn’t need a third. His mom seemed so strong when everyone was here but now she is falling apart. I knew that would happen… it always does. Her and Tara (Sean’s older sister) which we knew they would and she left. She went to stay with a few friends so now his mom is all alone and he wants me to go hang out with her. I’m not sure I can and it not be weird, I haven’t really just hung out with his mom. We talked alone and stuff but it is never for more than 5-10 minutes at a time. Tara is still a mess, we are afraid that she is going to go out drinking and get herself in trouble. Now, we can’t keep as close an eye on her as we like. Sean talked to her friends and told them not to let her drive and if she tries to call him and he will come get her.

I think Sean is as bad as the rest of us. He is trying just not to show it. We talked on the phone for a good while today; I’m not sure why put talking on the phone seems to work better sometimes. He thinks his dad would want him not to cry and he realized that he shouldn’t get so mad at the guys at work, which is good because he came home way early today. He is worried that he won’t have anyone to turn to when he has problems with me, or Riley or work. He always talked to his dad about that stuff. He has his grandpa for now but he doesn’t think that he will last more than a year. He needs another great man role model; he is still too much a boy to be on his own.